by Brandi Pillow

In this season of waiting that Watson and I are currently navigating through, I’m thankful to see the roots of my faith grow deeper as well as having time-tested lessons reinforced. One of those is that my God is big enough to handle my emotions and I don’t have to be afraid of being real with Him. So often, it feels like there is an expectation to “put on a brave face” and go about the day to day when we are faced with different situations. But with God, especially in my prayer life, I can share all of the emotions that I feel, no brave face needed. 

In talking with a friend recently, she was reminding me that, in many ways, the process of going through this season may look like the steps of grief. Anger, denial, bargaining, we’re all familiar with them. In our conversation, she broached the subject of faith. Tentatively she added, “And this may even include anger towards God sometimes.” My friend was afraid that I would be upset when she said this. But I reassured her that, through other trials I’ve been through, I’ve seen that God is big enough to handle the many emotions I sometimes sit with. He doesn’t judge me or chastise me for them. Instead, He loves me through them.

 For me, this has been a beautiful reminder of God’s grace. If I can’t do anything to earn his grace and love, then I also can’t do anything to make that grace and love go away. My fleeting feelings of anger, hurt, and confusion don’t scare God away. Instead, He uses those to turn my heart back towards Him. I am reminded that I am never alone and that though my feelings and circumstances will change, God never will. He is unchanging and unmoved throughout time. What a relief to have the reassurance of stability in an ever changing world! 

Psalm 61:1-2 “Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I,”