by Brandi Pillow

At the beginning of this year, I had a lot of plans. There were several concerts and events Watson and I had lined up throughout the spring and early summer that we were looking forward to. I had my usual list of school events to help plan and attend throughout the spring semester. I was anticipating attending my last on campus residency and workshop series at MUW as part of earning my MFA in Creative Writing. The calendar on my phone still shows that I should have spent this past weekend in Indianapolis with some of my Westminster sisters in Christ at the Gospel Women’s Coalition Conference. Like so many of the things on this list, that trip didn’t happen.

Beginning in March, events, plans, and trips began to be postponed, rescheduled, and then canceled all together. As the world around us was reshaped because of the threat of the coronavirus, I realized God was, once again, teaching me a lesson about letting go. For several months, I had been moving at a speed that wasn’t sustainable. Several “yeses” to different commitments had piled on top of one another in ways that I hadn’t expected. Looking back, I was tired and worn out. I was trying to stay on top of the commitments I had made, but I wasn’t making time for things that were even more important.

With the outside commitments and events falling away, I now had more time to spend reading my Bible and in quiet, reflective time. I had time to begin reading through an online Bible study for women dealing with infertility that encouraged me through the stall in plans and treatment. Even though the changing restrictions kept us from meeting in person for our weekly worship time, I looked forward to spending time with my church family each Sunday morning through the live streamed sermons. Sitting on the couch with Watson while we enjoyed the music of our worship team and heard Richard and Josh’s sermons offered a quiet peace I hadn’t experienced in a while.

Though the past few months looked nothing like I had originally planned for, and I definitely missed the time I would have spent with family and friends, I’m glad for the rest and perspective that this unprecedented time provided me. And though there are aspects of the future that are still fairly uncertain, I’m thankful for the reminder from Proverbs 16:9 that tells us that “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” When I am tempted to put too much stock in my own plans it is good to remember that, ultimately, God has the best plans for me.