Recently, I was given the opportunity to give my testimony of faith in Christ to our Sunday School class. The very task of summing up how God has been so gracious to me over forty-five years was overwhelming, especially staying within the boundary of thirty minutes. Preparing for this class spurred me to pull out some old notes, books, prayer journals, and studies that I had been through early in my walk with the Lord.

As I read through these notes and journals, I became increasingly aware that I have wrestled with different issues over my twenty-three year journey of faith. Assurance was a big hurdle. Was I saved? No, I mean, really saved? I must have prayed the believer’s prayer of faith fifty times in the first year. I wanted to make sure it stuck in case God did not hear me clearly enough or wasn’t sure I was serious this time. Not understanding the gospel fully, I also wanted to do more to be sure I was earning God’s approval. Though not verbal, I was in doubt that Christ’s atoning sacrifice was enough.

My questioning did not stop there. I struggled so hard to truly know God’s will. I can remember having paralysis from analysis with every decision I needed to make. I became a person that could not make a move for fear of making the wrong one. Looking back over the notes from this period of my faith reminded me of the constant turmoil I seemed to be recycling over and over. Again, I was burdened by doubt.

Then comes the big one: ‘why is it so hard at times to feel as passionate for and as close to Christ as it was when I was first saved?’ Short of starting the assurance cycle all over again, I would ask, ‘why is a relationship with Christ sometimes a struggle?’ I have wrestled this bear many a time and God constantly brings me back. To this doubt and every other one I could mention, there is only one answer: When I have doubt, I do not fully comprehend Jesus’ unwavering, sacrificial love for me.

How could I ever doubt when all of Scripture is the story of a Holy God who pursues His people even through the atoning death of His own son? The narrative is that He brings us into the perfect love of the Trinity. There are many scripture references that I could point out but for today I would like to share one passage in particular. In John 17, Jesus prays what scholars call the High Priestly prayer. It is my understanding that this is the longest recorded prayer of Christ. If you have ever been burdened by doubt that Jesus loves you, read John 17. Christ is praying for Himself, His disciples, and all of His chosen people. It is a prayer for you, the believer whom He has called as His own. The very language Jesus uses inviting us into fellowship and unity with this Triune love is overwhelming. If you still doubt His love, read it again, and again.

I can testify that, even through my questions, God has been immensely patient. He has pursued me with an unwavering love and continues to reveal Himself to me in my weaknesses. I pray that you are encouraged to take your doubts before God and realize the wondrous love He has for you.

John 17 When Jesus had spoken these words, he lifted up his eyes to heaven, and said, "Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son that the Son may glorify you, 2 since you have given him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him. 3 And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. 4 I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do. 5 And now, Father, glorify me in your own presence with the glory that I had with you before the world existed. 6 "I have manifested your name to the people whom you gave me out of the world. Yours they were, and you gave them to me, and they have kept your word. 7 Now they know that everything that you have given me is from you. 8 For I have given them the words that you gave me, and they have received them and have come to know in truth that I came from you; and they have believed that you sent me. 9 I am praying for them. I am not praying for the world but for those whom you have given me, for they are yours. 10 All mine are yours, and yours are mine, and I am glorified in them. 11 And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one. 12 While I was with them, I kept them in your name, which you have given me. I have guarded them, and not one of them has been lost except the son of destruction, that the Scripture might be fulfilled. 13 But now I am coming to you, and these things I speak in the world, that they may have my joy fulfilled in themselves. 14 I have given them your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. 15 I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one. 16 They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. 17 Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth. 18 As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world. 19 And for their sake I consecrate myself, that they also may be sanctified in truth. 20 "I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, 21 that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, 23 I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me. 24 Father, I desire that they also, whom you have given me, may be with me where I am, to see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the world. 25 O righteous Father, even though the world does not know you, I know you, and these know that you have sent me. 26 I made known to them your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them."