Seeing My Need for Jesus in 2020

by Gray Blocker


This year has lasted for decades and just when I think I have learned everything the Lord could possibly teach me, He continues to reveal more of Himself. In January I was sure having another baby would be this defining moment, showing me my continual need for Jesus. Little did I know, the Lord would strip me of so many things over the next several months. My sense of control, health, community and my well-thought-out plans all had to be held with open hands.

My family couldn’t have a funeral for both of my sweet grandparents who passed away in July. Multiple events were cancelled and Cora’s much-needed-for-my-sanity school year ended in March. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who struggled with loneliness while out of church and normal community. The Lord obviously had a reason for taking so many precious, even sacred things away from us. I don’t want to miss what the Lord is trying to teach me, so here’s what I’ve learned (so far!) this year:

  1. God is not bound by time. When the days felt long with two babies at home, I was reminded that God does not view time the way we do. “For a thousand years in your sight are but as yesterday when it is past.” (Psalm 90:4) But my time is important and I’m called to be faithful even in the mundane. “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12)

  2. God hears my cry. The Lord commands me to call out to Him when I need Him. He doesn’t want or need me to be self-sufficient. “When he calls to me, I will answer him, I will be with him in trouble, I will rescue him and honor him, with long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.” (Psalm 91: 15-16)

  3. God is the only rock. My plans, fears and opinions constantly changed this year, but God is steadfast and immovable. “For God alone my soul waits in silence, from him comes my salvation. He alone is my Rock and my salvation, my fortress, I shall not be greatly shaken.” (Psalm 62:1-2)

  4. God protects me. When my anxious thoughts overwhelm me, I have to remember that the Lord is always watching over me. “He will not let your foot be moved, He who keeps you will not slumber.” (Psalm 121:3)

  5. Be gracious. Everyone has processed the changes and hardships of 2020 at different times and in different ways. The Lord calls me to “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

I want to look back at this year and remember how the Lord had to take away so many things for me to be still and listen to His voice. I pray I remember the gifts of 2020 –time I’ll never have again with my girls, truly appreciating friends and church community, and most importantly, learning to trust God in my brokenness.

1 Comment

So proud of you, Gray and so thankful for the Lord is doing in your heart

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