Prayers from the Pit1
by Shelby Gorman
I am very good at dismissing my thoughts or feelings. You ask me how I am doing and I will usually say, “I’m good,” even though every part of my inner being is screaming, “tell someone that you’re not!” In those times that I’m not able to say how I feel, I’ve found that writing it down helps get it out. Then I found that writing it down as a prayer helped me even more. It is a way for me to bring my burdens to the only one who can carry them for me (Matthew 11:28-30). It has shown me that the Lord can heal us in what seems like the smallest of ways. Some days I might only be able to write a few lines, and on others I try my hand at poetry. No matter if it is embarrassing or wonderful I will write it down. Because my sinful heart is so quick to forget all that God has done for me, these written prayers are a way to look back and be in awe of the ways he has answered them. Never in a way I would have, but always so much better. In saying all of this, and in my hopes of being transparent with you, I thought I would share a few along with the date they were written.
I feel broken, Lord, but I’m forcing myself to write it down on paper. Then maybe once my feelings are out of my mind they won’t be left to fester inside me. I’m not new to this feeling. I know it well. The feeling that comes when your idols fail you. I’m sorry that you constantly have to remind me that you are better. YOU ARE BETTER! Better than my husband, kids, family and friends. Though they love me and I love them, we will let each other down. You never will. Keep my eyes on you, Lord. Amen.
- July 28, 2018
This morning I woke to sunlight spilling through the windows and warming my face. I look over at Eli and he grins back, not understanding how much that grin means to me, but just grinning because I’m there. A beautiful reminder to show love just because it’s a new day and we are with each other. I get up and turn on some music.The house is filled with love and I wish every day could be like this. Since I know it will fade, because of our fallen world, I will soak it up for a moment and let it remind me that this is a small glimpse of what is to come. Thank you, Lord, for these moments. Amen.
- February 15, 2015
I wasn't the woman I was called to be,
therefore the world became the best of me.
Letting idols fill my longing need,
for a love to come and rescue me.
Finally my flesh had deeply torn,
revealing all the burdens I had borne.
I tried to hold them in my hands,
but try as I might I could not stand.
Just when I was about to fall,
I heard a voice say, "surrender all."
With a tremor in my voice I asked who was there,
then I heard it again as if it were air.
Surrounding my spirit and bringing me peace,
He saw my burdens and said, "release."
I let them fall into His hand,
watching them be blown away as sand.
Lifting me up into His mighty arm
He carried me up the hill that had caused me much harm
Setting me down on solid ground
He said that I was lost but now am found
This love that I sought after in selfish ways,
had become my Beloved Ancient of Days.
- March 4, 2011